Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
