I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
