Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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