he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We smell like vodka and hangover
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