I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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