haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
