Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
