I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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