Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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