Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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