i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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