Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
