she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
