If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
