I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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