But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
