Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I wish i was in the wii world.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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