Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
