tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
