I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
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It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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