Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
