He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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