You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
