a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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