I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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