remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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