That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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