separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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