Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
