We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
