I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Sorry about my life...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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