its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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