I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize