So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
