did you get engaged???
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
