We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
