Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
