I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
