i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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