i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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