I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i jhust puked up my retainher.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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