Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Swine flu is the new snow day.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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