I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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