here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
