He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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