why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
