It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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