I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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