Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
