Even the bartender felt bad for me
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
