you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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