I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
