Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
