She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Someone came in the potted fern
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
