if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
