Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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