yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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