Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
