I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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