i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
