Kiss
Puke
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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