Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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