Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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