Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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