Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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