You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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