you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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