What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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