Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Boobs are out for the taking
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
