So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
