I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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