standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
