i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
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i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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