dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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