If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
